So here at LiquidGeneration, we kind of have an open porn policy when it comes to looking at dirty things on the internet. I mean, somebody has to find the boobs for Whoose Boobs, and sometimes when browsing the interwebs for breasteses, you run into naked things, and sometimes those naked things are doing wrong things. Very wrong things. But! LG isn't your normal work environment. Most of you are sitting in a cubicle right now pretending to work on really serious things. We feel sorry for you. In fact, some of you are so bored that you're looking at naked things on the internet, and that's ok! Really! As long as you don't get caught by your boss or the HR department. Or if you don't get caught on national TV like a total asshat, like this guy.

Update: Apparently this guy is on leave this week from work. He might be fired, you guys! There's already an online campaign to save his job.

Truth is, this spider is a REAL A-HOLE. Who does this? "Oh I'm gonna crawl on the ceiling and then scare a poor old man! My name is Spider and I'm so cool! Look at me guys, look at me"

Stupid spiders. I hate you.

I just finished reading the January / February issue of M Magazine cover to cover. Along the way I discovered so many crazy secrets that had me going OMG 4 DAYZ and LOLZING all over the place.

I found that there is a famous kid named BooBoo, Miley Cyrus and her grandma are actually twins (the details as to what kind of time travel or cryogenic freezing was involved are hazy), Kim Kardashian loves big juicy hotdogs, and only Taylor Swift's brother Austin knows that she has a Britney Spears poster hanging in her bathroom! Oops! I just spilled that! OMG now EVERYONE KNOWS!

Don't think for a second that I didn't find some things out about myself, too. I learned that, as a middle child, I am "a total peacemaker who can solve fights that break out (solving fights is harder than solving puzzles)," and I also found out that I am going to catch my crush with sweetness and by not being in the middle of "drama-rama."

With every page turned, I found something more and more amazing, and on the last page, I discovered my favorite section of M Magazine. No SILLY! Not the end! OMG I totes never wanted to finish reading! No, I found the M Comics section!

The M Comics section is soooooo nutz! Demi ate some pizza and then, and then she, she farted in Frankie's face playing Twister! Yeah! He totally got "fart bombed!" Then, then you won't believe it! Noah and Frankie silly stringed "Niley" right when they are about to kiss! I almost died TOTES LOLZ OMG. The "lil sibs do rule!"

Now that I am done with this issue, I guess I will just have to follow @M_Magazine on Twitter to stay up to date on all my celeb gossip until next month's issue comes out!

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration this week.

Look, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this, and yes, just like you, I think it's kinda creepy and weird, but I'm pretty sure Dakota Fanning and I are going to start dating soon.

I have never met D-Fan, but after reading her interview in M Magazine, I feel like I have known her my entire life, or at least her entire life. She likes arts and crafts like knitting, and I have an art degree. Plus, my mom likes to crochet, which is like knitting for people who you don't want to trust with two sharp metal objects. She is a cheerleader at her high school, and I went to high school. She is in the Twilight movie series, and I want to be in the last Twilight movie.

Okay, so those are all nice things to have in common, but you are probably saying to yourself, "Chuck, Dakota Fanning doesn't want to date you."

You're probably right. She probably doesn't want to date me.

GUESS WHAT. I don't want to date her either. I don't like blondes from No-Ho, and home schooled kids creep me out. I don't care if she isn't home schooled anymore (all information "dished" and "spilled" in the M Magazine article).

WE don't want to date each other, but...

...her parents, managers, agents, paparazzi, magazine publishers, Perez Hilton, and TMZ do (this is an curtailed list).

Everyone around her is itching for her to shed her little girl image and move into the role of leading lady sexpot. Just look at the latest cover of V Magazine. They are doing everything they can to turn her into the next Heather Graham. What do you think Hounddog was all about, or her playing an all powerful evil force to be reckoned with in the Twilight movies? But, it's just not working, and they are scrambling for options. Miley Cyrus has already pulled the showing a little skin for Vanity Fair stunt. She can't "accidently" send naked pictures of herself to the press like those other Disney girls, or do a porn like Paris Hilton, because she is still underage, and her parents could face some serious jail time for something like that.

What's left?

Dating an older man... a much older man. A man of mystery... Someone who would really have people asking why... no really, why?

Who is that man? Me.

If she started dating Josh Duhamel, Josh Hartnett, or even Josh Groban, people wouldn't be all that shocked or interested. They would be interested, and a little disturbed by the age difference, but Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise didn't catch that much scrutiny over their ages. They are both famous and good looking, but imagine what kind of media hell storm would erupt if I started dating Tom Cruise... I mean D-Fan.

Things I couldn't figure out how to work into this blog post but I really wanted to:

1.D-Fan once played a young Ellen Degeneress.

2. Dakota is next to Montana.

3. D-Fan might be a C-Fan someday, keep reading M Magazine for the scooped spilled dishes.

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

It's so adorable when animals attack humans. The way they tear at the flesh and their skulls. So cute.

Cookie crumbs led directly to police catching Cookie Monster, but Elmo is still on the loose and giggling like a maniac. If you know where these two perverts are hiding, please notify your local police.