He's going to be addicted to crack and hookers in a couple of months, no doubt about it.

One man, especially one who is British, should never have so much power over a female. It's just unethical. Like, spread the wealth, dude. There are other guys who want girls to go crazy over them, too, ya know.

Somebody should have fed the escalator a child or small dog before it got too hungry.

If you're trying to get our attention, Crazy Animal Rights Group We've Never Heard Of, then it worked.

Filipino prisoners have choreographed what just might be the largest performance of Michael Jackson's Thriller. But the real scary part is the male inmate playing the "female" lead. Creepy hair!

Michael Jackson ain't got nothin' on these Bollywood boys! Greatest Thriller cover ever.

We feel silly for using our own hands to wipe our ass all these years. If we knew the Comfort Wipe existed, our life would be so much more awesome and our hands would be a lot less smelly. And brown.

Can you see this optical illusion? We had to watch the entire video just to see the it because we're dumb.

You could really get away with a lot during the 80s.

If you're going to dress up as Spider-Man, make sure you're as tough as Spider-Man and not a total douchenozzle.

We also thought Nosferatu looked pretty gay.

The Keyboard Cat vs. Julie. Like the entire internet, all we want to know is who the hell is Julie?

Finally, Martin Luther King's dream of having a furniture for both white and b lack people has become a reality.

We always that thought that dude was a creep anyway. He's not friend of Alf's at all!

This video isn't particularly mind blowing, but it does involve a monkey and a skateboard, so we're almost required to post it on the website.

Celebrate Earth Day by despising a bunch of hippies who cry over dead trees.

If you want to learn martial arts, why not learn it from a creepy kung fu master/magician!

First there's the turtle that humps shoes, now there's a kitty who likes to be spanked. Weird world, dude.

It's not a crime if he's just raping a shoe. Shoes don't have feelings, unless they're Buster Browns.

The song "You Are So Beautiful" is so sweet and romantic, until you use it to score your nightmare horror show of a commercial from Planet Hell.